Memory loss...

So, where did I leave you? Ah yes, the amusing text message exchange with The Bitch on Thursday.

On to Friday...

Working 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday, I enjoy going out on a weekend. A lot. So when I get a text from a mate inviting me down to his local, I immediately jump in the car and head straight down there. Before we continue, I must stress that I do not condone drink driving whatsoever. I don't do it, and do not understand why those that do, do so. So I ended up leaving the car at the pub - more on that later.

The problem with the local, The Red Lion in Kings Heath, is that it is primarily a 'builders' pub, and the women are short in supply or are old enough to be my mother. But at the bottom of the high street, it's the perfect starting point for an evening.

Unfortunately, my Friday nights tend to end at the same place - primarily because it's open till 6am and plays my kind of music (rock, metal etc). It's also full of scantily clad women sporting colourful tattoos (a major turn on, seeing as I have a few myself).

One such lady works behind the bar there, and the last few occasions I could have sworn we were flirting. Dear readers, I shall refer to her as Bar Girl. I actually don't know how to flirt, I've been out of the game for far too long and just don't remember how it's done, so I probably misread those signals.

Anyway, I decide that after consuming copious amounts of alcohol over the previous 6 hours that tonight was going to be the night that I asked for her number. She was working, so even if I wanted to go balls out and kiss her, I couldn't!

So, with a firm pat on the back from my mate, a swift downing of what at that point must have been my tenth Jägerbomb, I approached the side of the bar and asked if I could have her number (whilst trying not to deafen her by shouting down her ear). Her response?

"You asked me last week"

Did I? It's at this point that I vaguely remembered being so ridiculously intoxicated the Friday before, that this was a distinct possibility. Slightly distracted at this point, what with my 'mate' holding a pint in the air with a wry smile on his face, I continued.

"And did you give it to me?" I asked.

"No, I have a boyfriend".

Bollocks.

As I went to retreat though, she grabbed my hands and proceded to try and make me dance with her. What? Sorry love, but I've made the decision that if it takes effort - and it would, trying to see off a boyfriend to win the girl - I can't be bothered.

And so, I continued back over to my pint.

Of course, there was an awkward prelude to this short tale. Another friend of mine had actually dated this girl for a while. They were even engaged. 'Bro Law' should have dictated that I didn't even try anyway. But try I did. Serves me right, if I'm honest. So it turns out that my first rejection of my new found single life was actually my second. Just the first that I could remember...

Back on to the beer and Bro Fun then. It was at this point of the evening that I decided to just get as wasted as possible, with no fear of how my bank balance may look in the morning (not good, as it turned out).

Unfortunately, The Bitch decided to call. You may remember that I had deleted her number as soon as she ended our relationship. But I still remember it, and being drunk, decided to answer.

Bad move.

We ended up having a slanging match over the phone for a good ten minutes. I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of awkward glances from my mate (also recently single, and not dealing with it as well as I did / am).

The night didn't last much longer after that. I was drunk, shaking with anger and running out of cigarettes. My mate was drunk and hungry, so we decided to make a move home (it was around 4am, so not too shabby).

I still have the ability to drink until dawn, but over the last few months, I've found that my body takes increasingly longer to recover from it. As a result, an alcohol free weekend meant that I didn't go out again.

I did however play a wonderful game of hide and seek with my car after waking up from the alcohol induced coma on Saturday morning. Having walked out the door to go get some cigarettes, it occured to me that my car wasn't on the drive. It took me a good hour to remember where I had left it.

So, my first week of blogging about my car crash love life, and nothing much happens. Boring.

I promise to make things more entertaining, if only for myself! It has been agreed between a few of us that we won't be visiting the rock bar for a while, a multitude of reasons.

But before I leave you: Remember folks, alcohol may lead to memory loss. Or even worse, memory loss.

See you soon.

Follow me on Twitter: @Elf_Olive #carcrashlovelife