So, I like to re-read my blog posts once in a while. Not because I believe they deserve to be read (they do!), but because I go in search of the kind of grammatical errors I normally correct others on. Thankfully, there doesn't seem to be any...
But re-reading my previous effort "Decisions, decisions...", I realised that I only touched on what exactly I want now that I'm newly single. Yes, I want children sooner rather than later. But I'm determined to go out and have fun. And yes, that means have lots of sex with lots of different women.
Disclaimer: Don't be a fool, wrap your tool, fellas.
Apologies for the blog picture above. It was the only decent, non-loved up picture I good find when Google-ing "What men look for in women" pictures. For the record, I'm an ass kinda guy, and not fixated on the size of womens breasts. Heck, I believe that more than a handful is a waste (I do have pretty large hands, mind).
But I began thinking about my 'type'. The kind of woman I'm interested in.
I've signed up to so many different online dating websites over the past couple of weeks that I've had to create a new, dedicated online dating email address. Why? Because of the amount of notifications I get from the various sites informing me that someone has 'viewed your profile' or 'winked at you'.
Of course, I'm intrigued. I instantly log in and check out the woman in question.
But 99.9% of the time, I log out immediately after seeing the profile picture of the woman in question. I'm not vain, I'm really not. I know I'm no Brad Pitt (although, at the same time, I'd like to think I'm not exactly ugly).
No, the reason I do this is because they're just not 'my type'. I've never really known what is 'my type'. Attraction is key in any relationship / one night stand. If you're not attracted to the other party, then you will be forever friends, and that's is all.
So what is my type? Below are pictures of 3 women that I would sacrifice a testicle for one night of passion with...
Carrie-Anne Moss
Well, more specifically, Trinity from The Matrix Trilogy. Just wow.
Zooey Deschanel
I've been besotted with Ms. Deschanel ever since I saw 500 Days Of Summer.
Milla Jovovich
Look at those eyes. And mouth. And body. Wowzers.
Looking at these three women, it's clear that I'm more of an ass man, than a breast man. One other notable point is that I prefer short hair on a woman (Ms. Deschanel has had her fair share of shorter hair cuts, too, but that picture is smoking). I'm not sure why, though. Also, if you remove the make-up from Milla Jovovich, she's a naturally beautiful woman.
One thing I always look for in a woman is the 'girl next door' look. A woman that is naturally attractive waking up in the morning, dishevelled, and going straight to the shops without looking in a mirror.
Except, most of the women that sign up to online dating are the exact opposite of that. They apply 3 inches make-up to their face, shave off their eyebrows only to draw them back on again and insist on pulling the duck face pose in every photo that is taken of them.
That, ladies, just isn't fucking attractive. Just no.
I'm also in to the sporty type. The flexible type is probably a better way of defining this one, actually. Again, I'm not saying 'no fatties'. I actually quite like a bit of cushion for the pushin'. Plus, a man needs something to hold on to...
But some of the women are either all bones or they indulge in several Super Sized McDonalds meals every week. Seriously, one of the ladies who 'winked' at me had a KFC bucket in the background of their photo. Fucking seriously? I know you can seduce some men with a bit of Southern Fried Chicken, but not this man! I much prefer steak. I'm hoping that they just wink at every male profile they come across...
Back on to the hair for just a moment.
I don't like blondes. It's not because of the stereotype that blondes are thick. The few blondes I do know aren't at all. I just prefer brunettes or red heads. Something more 'exotic' about them.
However, on the subject of 'thick', I need any woman I am with to be intelligent. I'm not talking Stephen Hawking level of intelligence. But I need to be able to hold a conversation with a woman that consists of more than what The Kardashians are doing.
So where do all the women I've mentioned previously match-up against this criteria?
The Ex
- Short hair
- Brunette
- Naturally beautiful
The Phoenix
- Short hair
- Redhead
- Sporty (currently on a very strict training regime)
- Intelligent
- Naturally beautiful
Bar Girl
- Short hair
- Brunette
- Great body
- Naturally beautiful
Girl, Interrupted
- Intelligent
- Great body
- When she stops dying her hair, I think it's brunette!
- Naturally beautiful
The Teacher
- Intelligent
- Great body
- Short hair
- Brunette
- Naturally beautiful
The Liar
- Brunette
Miss America
- Brunette
- Sporty
- Intelligent
- Naturally beautiful
So it seems that I have been following the criteria outlined above. It's just a shame that the 'scientific' method of suggesting people used by online dating sites isn't very 'scientific'. Heck, I'm pretty sure that they ignore all the responses to the questions they ask you when signing up anyway!
And with that, I'm done for the evening. Single lady? Meet the above criteria? Why not leave a comment below, share or follow me on Twitter; @Elf_Olive.
See you soon.
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